Erica: Previously on "Being Erica":
Adam: I had a really great time today.
Erica.
I just don't think of you that way.
Sam: Mom, you home?
Oh my God.
And this was the last time that I saw my daughter.
Let go of me!
Sarah!
Forget it, dad! I'm never coming home.
Dr. Tom: I mean, I didn't know if she was dead or alive...
And I still don't.
♪ Now you waited so long ♪ (So long)
♪ So long ♪ (So long)
♪ To be my number one ♪
In a few weeks, I come back to 2010...
Okay.
And while I'm here we sleep together.
We sleep together?
Yeah.
Dr. Tom: That's the story, Darryl.
That's the story that you keep telling yourself.
"You're awkward, and you can't talk to women."
It's not a story, it's the truth.
I know it's hard.
It was hard for me to go back to school.
But this one over here, she gave me a push
and look how it turned out.
Rebecca: Adam's right.
You've gotta be willing to take a chance and fail.
You know this, Darryl.
Okay. I'll try.
Right now, before I lose my nerve.
(Group chuckles, pleased)
And that concludes our session for today.
Thanks, everybody.
Adam: Man, I love Darryl.
That guy is so much tougher than he realizes.
It's good you pushed him.
Hey. I learned from the best.
Well, I'll see ya next time.
Yeah. See ya.
Erica: Life, they say, is a series of moments:
big and small;
joyous and tragic.
It is these moments that give our lives shape
and meaning;
that call us to examine the path we've taken
and what the future holds.
Dr. Arthur.
Six is too many, Tom,
even for you.
Erica was my last one-on-one patient.
Now that she's in group, I have space.
You have the heaviest caseload of any doctor I work with
and now you wanna take on more.
It's... it's not wise.
Why not?
There are more patients than doctors available
to help them.
That's beautiful detail.
It's Balinese, right?
Dr. Tom: (Annoyed breath) Right.
Dr. Arthur, if your concern
is that I won't be able to provide
the same level of care to all my patients...
That's not the issue.
You know, the Balinese have a philosophy
called "tri hita karana."
It holds a life in balance as the key to happiness.
I know about Balinese philosophy;
I've read many books on the subject.
Yes, books,
I see that you have many books.
But, uh...
When's the last time you took a holiday, hmm?
Had an adventure, met a woman...?
What is this about?
It's about your life outside of work.
I don't need a life outside of work.
I don't want any life apart from the one I'm living.
Isn't that the definition of happiness?
Perhaps.
You know, Tom, in my experience,
sooner or later, life has a way of finding us,
whether we want it to or not.
Nevertheless,
I won't stand in your way.
Arrangements will be made for you
to take on an additional patient.
Oh. Well, thank you.
And I'll let you answer that.
(Phone rings)
(Office door opens and closes)
Hello?
Woman: Tom?
Marjorie?
Sarah's come home.
She's back, Tom.
♪ Being Erica 3x08 ♪ Physician, Heal Thyself Original Air Date on November 10, 2010
♪ it's clearer inside of me ♪
♪ who I will always be ♪
♪ open me up to my heart ♪
♪ feels like I'm seeing in the dark ♪
♪ waking me up to my heart ♪
♪ to do it all over... ♪
♪ again and again ♪
♪ until the end ♪
♪ the sum of my dreams ♪
♪ and everything I ever wanted to be ♪
== sync, corrected by elderman == == for www.addic7ed.com ==
Hey.
Where is she?
Hi, dad.
Sarah?
Yeah.
Oh my... Oh my God.
Oh, Sarah. Oh my God...
Why don't you just start at the beginning.
Sarah, we are not going to judge you
or anything that you tell us.
Okay?
(Clears throat)
Um, you remember Martin?
Yeah. Your boyfriend.
Last time that we saw you,
uh, you were going on a trip out West with him. Right?
Uh, yeah. So we got to Vancouver
and then, um, we kept going.
We made it all the way to Santa Fe
and wound up living out of his van.
Our plan was to find an artist colony.
But then one morning I woke up
and Martin was gone.
He just left with everything.
Well, honey, why didn't you call us?
Because I was...
Scared that you'd say you told me so.
And not long after Martin left,
uh...
I met these guys...
And I started using heroin.
And are you still?
Yeah.
But I wanna get clean; That's why I'm here.
Right. Well, that's good then.
That's really good.
How did you live?
You had no money, no job.
You were addicted to drugs.
I...
(Hushed) I figured it out.
What?
You figured it out?
I'm sorry, what does that mean?
It means that I did what I needed to do to get money
when I needed it.
(Phone rings, message tone beeps)
Dave: Hey, Kai, it's me, Dave, calling...
Again.
I can hear you on the radio,
but it'd be even better to talk to you for real.
Bye.
I think he forgot, cub-cake.
Ivan. I've seen it before.
Remember Grismer?
Yeah, of course I remember Grismer.
He works out, grows a really...
luscious pair of biceps,
and suddenly he's all a-list
and I'm chopped off his bear411 friend list.
That's what Kai's done to you,
just with music and not with biceps
and pecs, and... oh, delts.
Okay, enough. I get it.
And you're wrong.
Kai's just busy.
Kai's gonna be snorting cocaine
off a lady of the night tomorrow
instead of being here performing.
Face the music, sweets.
Judith: God. A Saturday morning off feels like such a luxury.
Erica: Mmm! So where did Anthony take Max?
Hey, Dave!
Where we go every weekend - breakfast at Luna's,
and a walk through Trinity Bellwoods.
That sounds fun.
- Brunch for two? - You know it.
- Right over here. - Thanks.
It is.
But sometimes you just need a break.
Yeah. It's part of our therapy to take time for ourselves.
Since when did they start serving brunch here?
Oh, um, Ivan loves french toast.
Dave: Ivan loves french toast a little too much.
(Chuckles)
Uh... well then, I'll try that.
You know what? Make that two.
Erica: Thanks, Dave. Dave: Okay.
So?
How's it going anyway, the... the therapy?
It's going.
Jude, you look miserable.
Is there anything that can I do?
This.
Just have brunch with me
and, uh, tell me about all your single girl
juicy gossip. (Chuckles)
You meet anyone lately?
No. No one.
I am taking a self-imposed break
from anything man-related.
Like a man-cleanse.
Exactly.
I'm just...
I'm sick and tired of second-guessing men
and trying to read their mixed signals.
So I am not looking.
I'm not letting anyone set me up.
I am being single and happy with my life.
- Good for you. - Yeah.
You know what, Erica,
you know, this might seem weird saying it, but, uh...
I'm so proud of you.
Oh, Jude.
No, I mean it. It's just...
You know, things have changed so much
and... Yeah.
You're in such a good place and I'm uh...
Hey.
Look, don't worry.
It's gonna get better.
Hope so.
Hey, there.
Hey, Sam.
I've been looking for you.
I'm off tomorrow.
- Oh yeah? - Mm-hm.
So am I.
I know. I checked.
I was wondering if you're not busy,
maybe we could do something.
Is it gonna involve seeing your parents naked again?
God, no. Lenin!
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Uh, yeah!
Yeah, I'd love to do something.
How's dinner?
Dinner sounds good.
Okay, I'll call you.
We'll, uh... We'll figure it out.
Great.
Male doctor: Excuse me.
Someone spilled a juice or something
in the resident's lounge,
you need to go clean it.
Slipped and almost broke my neck.
Okay, I'll get right to it, doctor.
You should really go do it now.
This can probably wait.
Samantha: Hey.
He's working as fast as he can, so tone it down.
Dr. Strange, I was just asking.
No, you were shooting orders and being rude.
It's fine, Sam.
Sam: No, it's not fine.
You're a resident, right?
Who's your attending?
Look, I'm sorry if I was harsh.
I've been up for 30 hours-
Lenin: It's okay. You're right, this can wait.
I'll, uh...
I'll go clean up that mess right now, doctor.
(Indignant) Ugh!
I had this fantasy that I would, um...
clean myself up,
go back to school,
come back this huge success.
It was really hard to face the reality;
that that wasn't gonna happen.
Things weren't gonna work out that way.
But I just reached a point
where I realized things weren't gonna get better
and I needed to do something about it.
(Deep reflective sigh)
And coming home
felt like the scariest thing I could do, so...
Well, you did the right thing,
and we are gonna help you.
Thank you.
Sarah, you are gonna get through this
and you are gonna turn your whole life around.
And it's gonna be hard,
but your mother and I are gonna be supporting you
through that entire process.
Think of it as a fresh start.
But, Sarah, you have to make a commitment
to see this through to the end, no matter what.
Can you do that?
(Sighs heavily)
Yes.
"Whatever your past has been,
you have a spotless future."
Melanie Gustafson.
Kai, it's me.
I've left five messages.
The show is tomorrow night.
If you don't call me back,
or show up here in the next...
How long do I have?
Kai!
Hallelujah!
(Grunts) Yeah!
What, you don't call, you don't write...
I'm sorry, man, I was slammed.
I've been doing wall-to-wall gigs.
I did Montreal last night, I did Ottawa the night before.
So what's this? What happened here?
Oh, renovations. Ivan.
Well hello, Mr. Booker.
Well hello, Ivan.
You're looking good, man.
So what, you got anymore tats?
Oh, wouldn't you like to know...Where.
Hi. I'm Jody, Kai's manager.
Uh, so how many people are you expecting
at this, uh...
Open mic night?
So we're still on for tomorrow night? For sure?
Yes. Yes, of course we are.
Great! See?
Uh, so, Kai's headlining
and that means we're gonna have a packed house.
Okay, I'm gonna be a dick
because that's my job.
Head has one of the hottest singles right now
and Kai's doing you a huge favour, so...
We're gonna need to go through a few things, okay?
Erica: But I do have to give Julianne credit,
because she's...
Erica.
Kai.
Uh, Judith, it's good to see you.
Long time no see.
Yeah. I've been busy...
Jody: Busy becoming a rock star.
Come on, bro, we're talking business here.
Kai: Yeah, okay, well talk away;
I'm catching up with my friend.
In the original timeline, I just blew Dave off.
200 people showed up here to see me play
and I never turned up.
Ouch.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, that guy used to lend me money for groceries;
he used to let me borrow his car
whenever I needed it.
That's how I repaid him.
So, I'm guessing you're gonna be playing here tomorrow night.
Yeah.
Good. Yeah. Whether Jody likes it or not.
(Deep breath)
Both: (Laugh)
It's weird to be back here.
Last time I saw you, you were sitting out there,
I was playing "Alien Like You"
and you were smiling.
Yeah.
I guess that was the last time that you saw me.
- Crazy. - Yeah.
So how's Ethan?
(Clears her throat) He's fine.
So tell me what songs
you're gonna sing tomorrow night.
Erica.
Ethan and I, we broke up.
You did?
When was that?
It was four months ago.
The night that you left.
The night that you went back to the future.
(Door opens)
Jody: Kai. Come on, buddy.
If you're serious about doing this thing tomorrow night,
there's a lot we gotta do, okay?
Yeah. Um...
You should probably go.
We'll catch up later.
Go.
(Chatter over police radio)
What's wrong?
Sarah...
What is it? Is she okay?
She's gone.
She said she was going upstairs to take a nap,
and I went to get groceries.
And when I came back she was gone.
She took everything:
Money, my jewelry...
Everything.
Kai.
What're you doing here?
Do you have any idea how hard it was to shake Jody?
First thing I did when I got back to 2019
was fire his ass.
Good. I never liked that guy.
Come in.
(Clears throat)
So, I guess if you're here,
that means that therapy is going well?
Yeah, it is. I'm...I'm learning a lot.
- Part of my.... - Do you wanna grab...
No, yeah... Sorry.
Come in.
I was just...
Look, I was gonna say, um...
One of the things I've learned
is that I need to take chances.
Emotional chances.
Okay.
So, um...
So, I'm just gonna say this:
I think you're gorgeous
and original and brave...
And I haven't stopped thinking about you
since the day I left.
And I wanna be with you.
Say something.
I don't really know what to say.
It's...
Just seeing you again like this, it's...
It's really intense.
Yeah. For me too.
Look, Erica,
I'm not asking for a relationship.
I know...
I know that's impossible.
I just want...
What?
I just want one night.
Oh.
Oh, Kai. I just need to...
I just need to think about it.
Okay.
(Door creaks open)
(Door closes)
Kai?
(Whoosh)
(Clears throat uncomfortably)
Where's Dr. Tom?
(Door slams)
Dr. Tom: Sorry, I was delayed.
But we can go ahead.
Let's begin.
Erica: The problem is, is that, a few weeks ago,
Kai came back on a regret
and told me that the next time he saw me,
we would... We would sleep together.
Camilla: Kai told you about your future?
My future, his past.
So, it's already happened for him.
Can he do that?
Tell you about your future?
Dr. Tom?
Oh, apparently, he can.
So please, continue.
Erica: It's just now I'm, you know, I'm really confused.
Can I even change this?
I mean, can I avoid sleeping with him?
'Cause Kai said it was going to happen,
which means it's already happened for him,
which means...
Darryl: You have to go through with it to avoid creating a paradox.
Darryl, this isn't star trek.
That's a "back to the future" reference actually.
Rebecca: You think it's like fate?
Like you can't stop it from happening?
Of course she can stop it.
The whole idea of fate is bullshit.
Darryl: He's right;
we prove that each and every time we go back
and change our past.
Adam: Yeah. Erica: True.
So the real question is,
do you wanna be with him, Erica?
Um...
I don't know.
Dr. Tom: I don't think that's true.
I don't think you're being honest with what you feel.
Camilla: If a rock star came to me
and said what he said, the way he said it...
We wouldn't even be having this conversation.
Erica, if you wanna do it, do it.
What do you think, Dr. Tom?
What?
To sleep with Kai or not sleep with Kai?
(Mordant chuckle) Really?
Is that why we all came together here today?
To solve this important problem? Seriously?
Adam: Dr. Tom, I think Erica has the right to ask the question.
Oh, we all have the right to ask questions, Adam,
even if they are utterly banal.
I don't think that that's exactly fair.
Erica,
there are people in this world with real problems,
and this is not a real problem.
Excuse me.
Erica...
What're you doing?
No, what are you doing?!
I want you to tell me how is it possible, okay,
after two years, two years,
that you cannot resolve something like this on your own?
Please explain this to me.
Why are you yelling at me?
Because I'm disappointed!
That's why.
Because I expected more from you.
Look, I didn't call the session.
Dr. Tom: Erica, if you don't possess the sufficient insight,
I mean, if you really need this kind of hand-holding
at this stage,
then maybe I was wrong
and maybe you're not ready to be in group.
Okay, I don't know what's going on,
but this is not like you.
Are you not hearing me?!
You need to leave.
Go.
(Sniffles, stifling tears)
Hey.
(Change jingles)
You need a loonie?
(Loonie clatters into machine)
(Keypad beeps, snack clunks in machine)
How come you're allowed to keep coming to my rescue,
and the minute I step in to defend you,
you give me the death stare?
Defend me from what?
It's 'cause you're a guy, right?
I bruised your ego.
No. No, this is because it wasn't called for.
That doctor didn't do anything wrong.
He was ordering you around.
He was being rude and treating you like a-
like a what?
A janitor?
This job is a means to an end for me.
Same way as being an esl teacher in Japan was,
or, or the year I spent bartending in Australia.
I work, I make money, and I move on.
Being a janitor doesn't define me.
I know.
You really need to let this go, Sam,
and just enjoy the adventure.
I like adventures.
You wanna have one right now?
Like now?
Like...
Right now?
Yeah. Yeah, come on.
What're we doing?
Have you ever been kissed in a supply closet?
No.
Would you like to be?
(Pool balls clack)
Bartender: What can I get you?
Dr. Arthur: Uh, whatever you've got on tap, please.
Dr. Tom: And another scotch. Neat.
Bartender: Coming up.
Dr. Arthur: (Exhales)
You wanted to talk to me?
I can't save Sarah.
No.
She needs more help than I can give her.
She needs to find her own way.
(Derisive laugh)
Her own way. Yeah.
(Chuckles)
Bartender: Here you go.
(Slurps)
And what if she fails?
Then she fails.
Well, I can't accept that.
(Huffs) You don't have a choice.
No, you do though.
You have a choice:
You could make her a patient,
give her a doctor.
Give her the chance that I was given,
that we all were given.
No, Tom, I can't.
That's not how this works and you know it.
Wow, you know... What a goddamned life.
I failed at marriage, I failed at fatherhood...
You're an excellent doctor.
(Yelling) I'm screaming at my patients!
I'm drinking away my problems in some dump here.
Is that what excellent doctors do?
Bartender: Hey, buddy. Keep it down.
(Whispering) Don't tell me to keep it down.
Just go and get me another scotch. Thanks.
Tell you what.
Why don't you get outta here?
Both of you.
Eh. Come on.
Dr. Tom: (Sighs) What's happening to me?
What does it mean when history repeats itself?
It means that we've failed to learn from it.
(Whoosh)
(Startled gasp, unsteady panting)
Hello, Tom.
Where... where am I?
You're in my office.
(Breathing shakily) Something happened...
I'm in your office...
I just, um...
I jumped from a building.
Who are you?
I'm a doctor;
a therapist, actually.
Tom: Dr. Naadiah.
What, you're my ctor?
I could be, if you'd like.
(Breathing shakily)
Nah, I jumped.
No, I remember.
I jumped and I remember falling through the air
and then...
(Stammers, flabbergasted)
What, I survive?
No.
This is what happens when you die?
This is what happened to you.
I don't understand you.
Let's just say this is not your standard destination.
Well, then why am I here?
Because you're being given an unusual opportunity, Tom.
And now you have a choice to make.
It's up to you to accept or not accept my help.
Uh... uh...
And uh...
And what does "accepting" involve exactly?
Commitment;
to see things through to the end.
And if I, uh... say yes
and if I choose to commit, then...
Well, what happens then?
Then we begin.
Dr. Arthur: Look at that man in there.
Look at how far he's come;
how much you've changed.
So why are you falling apart all over again?
Because my daughter's back
and she needs help and I can't give that to her.
No.
That is an old story.
There's more to it than that.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Watch. Listen.
Dr. Naadiah: So tell me, why did you decide to end your life?
Because I don't have a life.
Why?
Why do I have to answer this?
This is what we do, Tom.
Because...
Because I'm useless,
that's why.
Because I failed at, uh...
Well, everything. (Mordant chuckle)
I failed my wife,
I failed my little girl,
and I failed myself.
And that's why, okay?
I don't want to watch this.
This is pointless, Dr. Arthur.
I know all this; I lived it.
Tell me why you jumped off that building.
You just heard me tell Dr. Naadiah.
I wanna hear it from you.
I was a failure.
(Laughs)
It's deeper than that, Tom.
How can it be deeper than that?
I couldn't save my daughter's life.
And so you deprived yourself of your own life, then,
just as you are doing now.
No.
No, that's not the same.
No,
you couldn't save her, Tom,
so you've devoted every waking moment
to saving others.
You're diligent and tireless
and compulsive in your efforts;
you do nothing else.
You send me back to 2010.
Don't you see, Tom? It has no end.
Saving others will not erase the guilt you feel.
At most, it's been a distraction,
and since Sarah has returned,
she's brought it all roaring back,
hasn't she?
You have no life of your own.
You hate yourself so much
you're right back where you started again.
Look.
Tom: That's all.
That's all we need.
So tell me about regret number two.
"Killing myself."
Tell me why you want to undo that.
Undo?
You mean I don't have to die?
Yes, Tom.
You've been given the chance to live.
You've been given the chance to live,
so live.
(Knocking at the door)
Adam.
Hey.
Hi, come... Uh, come in.
What are you doing here?
I was worried about you.
I've never seen Dr. Tom act like that.
He just... He just lost it.
Yeah, well, you missed the grand finale.
'Cause he followed me in here right after
and said that he was having second thoughts
and that maybe I'm not ready for group after all.
He said that?
Mm-hm.
You know, apparently, at this point in therapy,
I should have sufficient insight
to be able to figure it out on my own.
(Exhales) That's insane.
So what're you gonna do?
I don't know, but...
The next time I see Dr. Tom it's gonna be awkward.
No, I meant with Kai.
Oh, um...
I don't know, I just... I haven't decided yet.
Well...
Well, for what it's worth,
I don't think you should go through with it.
- Why not? - I dont know.
Kai sounds messed up.
I think you deserve someone a lot better.
Don't look at me like that.
- Like what? - Like that.
Like how you're looking at me.
I wasn't.
No, you were. And you know what?
Don't show up at my front doorstep
and tell me not to sleep with Kai, all right?
It is none of your business.
Erica, I was just making sure you were okay.
(Exhales)
You know what? Kai, he may be screwed up,
but at least he's honest.
And isn't that your big thing?
(Imitating Adam) You know, "being honest
in front of a roomful of strangers,
it's really hard, Erica."
Okay. I don't need this.
At least Kai is not a coward.
You are.
And you're really full of yourself.
Go to hell.
Dave superhero.
Super. Hero.
Fooooossh!
Why do I have to be in love with a wannabe
Shakespeare comic book nerd?
Dave: Human and yet more than human.
Hey. You haven't seen Erica, have you?
No, no, no, she, um...
She said this wasn't her "scene."
I can't say I blame her.
In your glow, I am redu-ced
to human
Ivan: Woo! Dave: Thank you.
(Polite applause throughout room)
Thanks. Thank you.
Uh, everybody, up next, Kai Booker,
lead singer of "Head."
(Applause, cheers and whistling)
Hey. Um...
I'm wanna start off with a song...
With a song I wrote for a strange girl.
(Plays guitar)
♪ There was a face in a place I know ♪
♪ through a window said farewell ♪
♪ we walk away ♪
♪ we never stay ♪
♪ either way we know that time will tell ♪
♪ time will tell us where we went ♪
♪ time will shift and shape and bend ♪
♪ we know time and time again ♪
♪ oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ well, I'm burning ♪
♪ and I'm dancing ♪
♪ sinking with the tide ♪
♪ this moment ♪
♪ will be stolen ♪
♪ when our two worlds collide ♪
♪
♪ let's save all these souvenirs ♪
♪ and still every frame ♪
♪ whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ well, I'm burning ♪
♪ but I'm dancing ♪
♪ sinking with the tide ♪
♪ whoa-oh, this moment soon will be stolen ♪
♪ when our two worlds collide ♪
(siren wails in the distance)
(Knock at the door, buzzer buzzes loudly)
(Chatter over police radio)
(Door rumbles shut, buzzer buzzes)
(Exhales heavily) Hello, Sarah.
(Huffs)
Where's mom?
At home.
Why are you here?
Why am I here? Because...
I'm here because there are so many things
that I want to say to you.
But I don't know if now is the right time.
Say whatever you want. I deserve it all.
(Sighs)
I love you, sweetheart.
And I have never, not for one day,
stopped thinking about you.
And seeing what's happened to you,
that breaks my heart.
I mean, I...
I wanna help you, but I'm afraid that I can't
and that even if I did, that that wouldn't be enough.
(Exhales, stunned)
Why are you being so nice to me after what I did?
Because I'm letting go of the outcome.
Because I can't fix this for you,
and I can't take responsibility for it.
I never asked you to.
I know that.
I know.
I want more than anything
for you to put your life back together, Sarah.
I don't know if I can.
Guard: Time's up, sir.
I have to go.
Thank you.
I have to go.
(Buzzer buzzes)
Bye.
(Ignition turns, engine whirs)
(Cab roars off)
Dr. Tom: Erica.
I came to apologize.
(Exhales shakily)
I should never have said those things.
I know that doesn't make it better.
It makes it a little better.
You really hurt me.
I know.
I should have explained to you what was happening.
Actually, what I should've done is just cancelled the session.
Sarah came back yesterday.
Oh my God.
And it was a very difficult day.
But I shouldn't have taken that out on you,
and again, I apologize.
And I hope that you can forgive me.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
You know, if you need to take time,
it's, it's fine.
I get it; You have a life.
(Amused chuckle)
I have a life. Indeed.
Thank you, Erica, for understanding.
Dr. Tom, you have been there for me,
and if you need anything,
I want to be there for you.
Okay, well, I'll see you in group.
Okay.
(Exhales slowly)
== sync, corrected by elderman == == for www.addic7ed.com ==